first trim slump

seems to be extending into the 2nd trim!
Bummer!
I am exactly 12 weeks and 5 days pregnant today, the start of my 2nd trim. Last week, I was actually excited to end my 12th week. My 1st trim wasn't really that harrowing but it wasn't a bed of roses either. I had more than my share of morning sickness and I was looking forward to an easy 2nd trim. Turns out I was wrong.

The hyperacidity, vomiting, and nausea has stopped only to be replaced by headaches and dizzyness. Not to mention looking like a girl who had too much for lunch. I kept on complaining to Ramil that I hate this 'in-between' look, the look where I don't look too pregnant yet but my big tummy is straining against my clothes already. I refuse to buy pregnant clothes this early because they would still be too big for me right now. I am a relatively slim girl so right now I just look like I gained extra pounds around my middle (I weigh 120 lbs. right now compared to my 115 lbs pre-pregnancy weight).

On another note, it's so true that the sure-fire way of appreciating mothers would be to be one yourself (for girls at least). I suddenly feel so much gratitude to my mama for going through the 9 months, the childbirth, and the years afterwards. To think that all pregnant women out there don't really know what kind of child is in store for them. I wasn't a very obedient daughter. Let's just say that I was very strong-willed when I was growing up especially during my HS and college days. Thinking back and knowing what I know now, I wish I gave my parents less headaches and less trouble between us. These thoughts bring a different kind of fear in me - what kind of parent we're gonna be like and what kind of son/daughter we will have. We can only hope for the best.

alien baby

The alien baby is not so alien after all.

After a few hours, Ramil's niece, which was described by his brother as 'mukhang alien' turned out to be one of the cutest babies in the nursery. They would always discover the baby missing from the nursery because the nurses and the doctors kept on picking her up.

When we went to the hospital last Sunday, we learned that the baby can go home already but the doctor is not around to discharge the mother as well. That fact didn't stop my brother-in-law from bringing the baby home. So on that rainy Sunday afternoon, we went home with Natalie Kate minus the mother. Hehe!

teacher kwento

Note: All the teacher kwento I will be posting from now on are all true-to-life experiences and not products of my imagination.

#1: Energy
teacher: if energy is neither created nor destroyed, san galing ang energy?
student: duh, from God!


#2: Volvo
{topic is momentum}
teacher: suppose that a car and a big truck running at the same velocity collide with each other, syempre di ba mas malaki damage ng car?
student: not if it's a Volvo!

indulgence

A must-have for Ramil and me when we got married is a tv. We planned to buy one since January but due to budget constraints, we opted to 'borrow' one of the tv's in my parent's house. The thing kept us sane for 5 months and then it started malfunctioning. Last week, the borrowed tv was very moody, sometimes refusing to turn on. This prompted some tantrums from both of us (not at the same time) because we missed some shows we regularly watch.

Ok lang, luma na din kasi talaga un tv. My dad bought it nung unang lumabas and PS1. He bought the PS1 and tv for my younger brother. Yun nga lang, Ramil and I were torn the past few days. We wanted to buy a tv but we know we're in a 'saving mode' right now. We decided to just look at our possible choices. Hehe!

I learned about Citibank's appliance exhibit at the megatrade hall in SM Megamall so we decided to look around last Saturday. We saw a few items we could buy but decided to mull on it for a while. The next day, after interpreting a lot of things as 'signs', we decided to buy one. Buti na lang walang pasok nung Monday! We went back to SM Megamall and bought ourselves a JVC 21'' flat tv with sub-woofer that was bundled with a DVD player and tv rack. We even borrowed my dad's revo so that we can bring it home immediately. Hehe! We came home very happy that night.

The next day, I kept asking Ramil whether we made the right decision to buy one now especially with the baby we are expecting. We just made excuses for ourselves that we've been planning to buy one for a long time now at ayaw namin tipirin ang sarili namin dahil baka ma-resent pa namin ang pag-baby namin. Hehe! Plus, I'm going to need a tv if I decide to quit my job and stay home with the baby next year. It's all for our sanity.

new pamangkin

A few months ago, Ramil and I learned that his brother actually beat us to making an apo for their parents. We were a bit surprised (they were still bf-gf) and their parents, naturally, were disappointed (his brother is still finishing nursing).

After the dust has settled, I told Ramil that it would work out fine because despite the untimely pregnancy, his parents will be excited with the baby. We felt a bit defeated though in a funny way because before getting married we were talking about our future child's luck. Ramil and I are both the eldest in the family and our baby would have been the first apo on both sides! Such title has now been officially 'stolen' (hehe!) from our baby because Ramil's brother's gf gave birth at around 1:00 am today. As such, we haven't seen the baby yet but it was a C-section delivery (she was a few weeks overdue already) and the baby weighs more than 8 pounds!

Ramil and I are very excited to visit this Sunday. With our own baby arriving in a few months, we have this fixation right now with anything to do with babies. And I just can't wait to hold the baby. The description from Ramil's brother though is that the baby looks like an alien. Hehe! I don't think his brother is used to seeing newborn babies with long heads. I told him that a baby's head is very 'malleable' and that they can still 'form' it into any shape they want. LOL. Hopefully, I will be able to post pics of this alien baby when we get back.

first baby things

A very nice surprise from a co-teacher this morning:

I was really touched because we're not really close. I was almost teary-eyed when she told me to open the box and I saw what was inside. Baby things! I told her that these are actually our first baby things because we haven't bought any for the baby. We didn't want to 'jinx' it. We know of several people who had a miscarriage in the first trimester so Ramil and I know that we are not really sure and that we need to be extra careful.

The small yet very cute box actually contains a lot! It contains 3 small towels, a sando with matching jogging pants, a bib, baby powder, baby soap, a feeding container with a small spoon, 2 pairs of socks, 2 pacifiers, a small baby rattle, and a small comb. Quite a lot to fit in a small box! The box even has this baby smell (maybe because of the powder and soap?) upon opening it.

It was so nice to touch and feel these things knowing that they're for our baby. It suddenly put me in the mood to go on a shopping spree for the baby. Hehe!

taking a leap

I like to plan. I can get too obsessed with planning something that I would be consumed by it until something else gets my attention. But if my life would be a sample of my planning skills, I guess I suck at it. Well, as they say, if you want to make God laugh, plan. So far though, a lot of things in my life are way ahead of my timetable.

After college, I joined one of the top insurance companies to be an actuarial specialist. I had a lot going for me in terms of my career. I stayed for 3 years and then felt restless with my job. I was still doing great but I don't get fulfillment from what I do. The possibility of teaching suddenly came up and a choice needed to be made. It was a 'deal or no deal' kind of thing and I took the leap. I've been teaching for more than a year now and I get fulfillment each and every day.

After almost 5 years of being together, Ramil and I felt a 'tug' towards married life. We don't just want to be boyfriend-girlfriend, we felt ready to spend our lives together, and we took the leap. We've been married for 7 months now, such a short time but no regrets so far. Hehe!

Before getting married, we both agreed that we wanted at least a year before trying to have a baby. We wanted to have time to adjust fully to married life and to enjoy each other without the responsibilites of parenthood. It so happened that God has other plans because after just 4 months of being married, we learned that we are on the family way. No, we did not take the leap this time, we were pushed over the cliff ;)

I guess we will continue to take leaps and to be pushed for the rest of our lives. Despite my liking for planning, I also like surprises. It keeps our lives exciting. No matter how OC we can become, life will not just let itself be planned. So be brave, take the leap or just brace yourself for that life-altering push.

digging up the past

I wrote this post last year. After reading through my previous posts, I felt reminiscent of the months before our wedding. I'm posting this again to celebrate our 7th month on July 17. :)


Before the wedding, there's the couple. Before any girl dreams of the perfect wedding, she dreams of finding THE ONE.

Finding the right person can be taxing, nerve-wracking, time-consuming, exhausting, and emotionally-draining. Especially if you have to go through deep shit mud before you hit gold. There are also lucky ones.

For Ramil and me, finding each other is like my mom looking for her eyeglasses when she was wearing them all along. We were classmates from grades 3 to 6. We played patintero, chinese garter, agawan base, and even piko! As fate would have it, we got accepted to the same high school and university. We were again classmates in 4th year HS and since I'm in the same barkada as his crush, we became better friends...hehe! It was inevitable that we continued to be friends in college. And in our 2nd year in UP, something beautiful crept its way between us.

Our time together as a couple hasn't always been smooth. We argued. We fought. He made me cry lots of times. I made him cry sometimes (i'm not sure i'm allowed to divulge that info). We were hostile. We dared each other with cool offs and breaks but neither has the guts to risk losing the other. Despite these, we are a perfect fit. We are inseparable. We are bestfriends. We are madly in love with each other. We are meant to be.

I learned that love is not about finding the perfect person because there is none. It's about seeing an imperfect person perfectly. Fights are as much a part of it as sweet nothings whispered in each other's ears. So how do I know he's THE ONE? I feel it deep in my gut. Because after more than 5 years of seeing each other almost every single day, there hasn't been a time when we got tired of each other. Funny, what sealed it for me was our biggest fight ever. After the fight, I felt so drained that I told God... "if he's not the one for me, it's ok. I'm letting go". That same night, lo and behold, he texted me the sweetest and most sincere message he ever made. Then I knew...

sweet tinola

Thinking of what to eat for dinner has been an ordeal for Ramil and me the past few weeks. If you've been reading my previous posts, you already know that I've lost my desire to cook anything because the smell of garlic and onions and such make me nauseous. Because of my husband's limited cooking and experimenting abilities, we would resort to quick fixes like frying porkchops or opening a can of corned beef. This was the reason for a very emotional dinner for me last week. I was almost crying while eating dinner because I was so worried about what I was feeding our baby (plus the pregnancy blues). So when we went to the grocery last Sunday, I made plans of cooking more nutritional dinner meals for us. Hence, I cooked tinola last night.

My routine upon arriving home since we learned we were pregnant was to sleep for an hour or two. Because of this, I gave Ramil the task of cutting up ingredients and preparing other things so that the only thing I have to do when I wake up is to cook. Everything about our tinola went pretty well except for one thing, the papaya was orange inside! We bought a very green papaya but upon opening it up, it was ripe enough to be eaten for dessert. I decided to put it in anyway,hehe! We ended up almost not eating it at all because the sweet taste just didn't go well with the tinola.

JAWS and cheesecake

Ramil and I woke up later than scheduled last Saturday for my ob visit. We were both lazy to prepare breakfast so we opted to just buy from Mcdo in Eastwood on the way to St.Luke's. The weather was very unpredictable that day, raining very hard one moment and then totally stopping the next. As a result, we found ourselves stuck in traffic along E.Rodriguez Ave. We barely got to the clinic on time but it was nice because we barely had to wait until it was our turn.

After a few pleasantries and the usual things, my doctor told me to lie down in the examination room so we can check for a heartbeat. Medyo nagdalawang-isip pa sya pagpasok, sabi nya 'Kaso 10 weeks pa lang pero sige, payat ka naman'. Pagpatong nya ng doppler sa tummy ko biglang 'tug, tug...' na sobrang lakas, parang sumisigaw si baby. Sabi tuloy ni doktora, 'naku, tawagin ko si husband'. Pagpasok ni Ramil sa examination room, biglang nahiya ata. Hehe! It took us a few minutes looking for it again. Medyo nakakatawa kasi tatlo kami sa examination room na sobra quiet habang si doktora ay hinahanap un heartbeat. And then finally, we heard it! Ang bilis ng heartbeat nya. Ramil and I just looked at each other with silly smiles plastered on our faces and with him pressing hard on my ankles. Afterwards, Ramil described it as something from the Jaws movie - the sound whenever a shark is near.

It was a great experience hearing our baby for the first time. I was even wondering how much a doppler is because I wanted to listen to the baby again. Despite the heavy traffic and the heavy rains, those few minutes made our day.

As our celebratory 'gift' I sweet-talked Ramil into buying cheesecake from Uno in Tomas Morato on our way home. We bought a whole cake,hehe! This cheesecake is the best cheesecake I've tasted so far though it's not like your usual cheesecake. I would crave for it everytime it entered my mind and it was the perfect ending to our first encounter with our baby.

kimy mouse

One of the things I like with working in a school is the chance to 'stalk' cute little pre-schoolers. Hehe! One particular kid that I adore is a 4-year-old boy named Kimy. He would usually light up whenever you call him kimy mouse. He is one smart kid (anak kasi ng lawyer) and our conversations are very interesting considering his age. Here is a picture of the two of us. Pardon the quality because this was taken using just our laptop camera.

I've 'nurtured' a relationship with him, much like a guy courting a girl. Hehe! Before and after their classes, I would look for him and spend time with him (along with his other cute classmates). It has come to a point that he would sometimes look for me from other teachers and upon seeing me he would sometimes immediately offer a kiss and a hug. He has melted my heart several times by saying he missed me or by saving a piece of cookie for me.

Upon learning that I 'have a baby inside my tummy' from another teacher, he ran towards me and gave me a big hug then shouted 'You have a baby inside your tummy!!!' I said yes and asked him what he wants to name the baby. He suddenly became shy and told me he couldn't think of anything. After that, while eating a piece of Dewberry cookies, I asked him again for a name and he blurted out 'Dewberry!' So the two of us now call my baby Dewberry.

This kid has definitely set a high standard for my own baby, hehe! I told Ramil that our baby should be at least as adorable and as smart as Kimy (I said it jokingly, of course) and Ramil's answer was for me to stop spending time with the kid. Hehe! Well, if I'm gonna love my baby even only half as much as I've grown to love Kimy, my baby would grow up being loved a lot.

biases

We live in a world where some people don’t like other people simply because of preconceived notions. I admit, I myself have biases against some people but I try my best not to condemn or to openly criticize them.

These kinds of feelings can sometimes be results of past experiences. You’ve had a boyfriend from La Salle who cheated on you shamelessly. After a very painful break-up, every guy from La Salle that you meet is a playboy. Or a basketball varsity player embarrassed you in school then you grow up thinking that all athletes are assholes.

It can also come from a person’s beliefs. Your family is a strict, devout, deeply religious family (who put so much value on a woman’s virginity) and you grow up thinking that all unwed mothers are worthless and not worth any man’s time.

Biases can be bred and it can be damaging to both parties. Of course, it is to the person being discriminated upon but also, to the person who has these biases. It prevents us from fully recognizing and appreciating a person’s worth and gifts. It’s so sad that even the most open-minded person can actually have one or a few of these.

But how does one know whether he or she is doing something perfectly reasonable, logical, and fair? How would you know if your actions are actually simply brought about by unfair biases? Who draws the line? Or do your biases give you a right to treat a person unfairly?

There is nothing wrong with fighting for you what you think or what you believe is right. But if everyone would do that, if nobody would be giving or willing to say ‘okay’ even if they don’t believe it, our lives would be one big argument after another.

I encounter these kinds of situations a lot of times when I would say to myself ‘hey, that person have no right to say that’ or ‘that person have no right to do that’. And sometimes, I would be too chicken to voice it out. I have no excuse for myself. Except that I refuse to challenge a belief or a thinking that is not mine. I refuse to start something that I know has no ending. And I am simply muted by these words I’ve read before:

“If we’d been born where they were born and taught what they were taught, we would believe what they believe.”