coin collector

Mateo loves coins right now. Just like any toddler, he loves playing with little things and coins are just some of them. He'd excitedly run for any coin he sees and claim it to be his. It reminded me of myself when I was younger because I used to have a coin collection. My collection contained different coins from all over the world because my dad would often bring some home from his trips. When Mateo gets older, I plan to give him my collection and maybe he can continue it. He can even venture into more serious coin collection that involves rare coins. Companies like Monaco Rare Coin will make it easy for collectors like him to acquire and trade certified coins. I hope Mateo does not lose interest in coins because I am excited to hand over to him my coin collection. I also look forward to seeing him do something more with it.

finale

Ramil and I stubbornly went for another ultrasound yesterday. We decided to go for it because it has been more than a week since we found out that our baby has no heartbeat and yet I'm still not experiencing spotting or bleeding.

I feel very stupid to have felt excited again, holding onto a very slim, unreachable hope that they'd be able to detect heart activity this time. Expectedly, I got disappointed and crushed once again. Sure, I was expecting it because it's the more reasonable and logical outcome but I couldn't help myself.

So I guess it was a finale for us. It was the closest thing we could get to a closure until the baby really comes out. I hope she doesn't make us wait too long.

a heartbreak

Ramil and I experienced one of the most painful things in our lives. We just lost our baby. She was merely 54 mm when her heart stopped beating but we know she was perfect. She had two handsome boys who would lovingly kiss her and caress her through my tummy every morning, night, and every other chance they get. She loved arroz caldo, goto, lugaw, and hot noodles. She wanted tasty bread that’s soft and white, longanisa that’s cut along the middle before it’s cooked. She gave me a hard time during those months but never was there a tinge of resentment for the difficulties she was bringing. We looked forward to feeling her move and to showing Mateo the crazy movements we were sure she was going to make. I looked forward to breastfeeding again, nuzzling her close to me, and smelling that delicious scent all babies have. We looked forward to many, many things.

My heart skipped when I saw her heartbeat on the ultrasound monitor when she was just 9 weeks. She was tiny but even the sonologist was very appreciative of her active and vigorous heart activity. So when we went for the routine checkup on her 12th week and the doctor couldn’t hear any heartbeat after more than 15 minutes of alternately using different dopplers, we blamed it on the noise Mateo was making, on the age of the doppler, the batteries, the hearing of our doctor, the post-Mateo fat around my tummy, and anything else we could think of. However, the worst possibility was lingering at the back of our minds. Ramil even jokingly said he’d smack her when she comes out for making us worry this much at this very early stage.

Naturally, our doctor requested an ultrasound and we hurriedly went for it the next day. When we got to the clinic, we had to try twice and despite not seeing any heartbeat the first time, we still held onto hope for the second try. The sonologist and the technician avoided looking directly at me, knowing what they already know. The sonologist just gave a ‘no heartbeat’ comment then left the ultrasound room. The technician tried to lighten it up by saying ‘relax lang, ma’am’. I hurriedly went out, refusing to answer Ramil’s questions, and walked straight towards the exit. When we got out and the glare of the sun hit me in the face, the dam broke.

I am currently three months pregnant. I don’t know if I’d still call myself pregnant because she’s still inside me. I didn’t experience any spotting, bleeding, cramping, or any other miscarriage symptom because of this, she’ll stay with us for a few more days or weeks, until I finally get those symptoms. Call it a funeral of some sort because it may be a short three months but she was our baby, she was Mateo’s baby sister, and we love her just the same.

sports fan

Just like any guy, Ramil is a sports fan. He would watch any sport on TV and would watch it as if it's his favorite sport. Even before Mateo was born, he's been planning to play many different sports with our son. I'm sure he'll want to bring Mateo to a sports game as well when Mateo gets bigger. He would love to get some Miami Dolphins Tickets so they could watch a real, live football game. Nothing beats watching a live game and experiencing the excitement and thrill of it. I'm pretty sure Mateo will grow up to be a sports fan as well.

Mateo, the astronaut

This shot was taken in Mateo’s school where they have an astronaut standee. Mateo loved this when he first saw it in school and he was amused when he saw his picture. I asked him ‘Wow, are you an astronaut?’ and he answered me with a ‘No mama, it’s just a picture’. There’s no fooling kids nowadays

crazy food cravings

I've been having weird food cravings the past few days. Aside from not wanting to eat anything most of the time, I would have cravings which could pass even before I get my hands on them. Tonight, a few minutes before midnight, I had a craving for goto (rice porridge with ox tripe). Ramil offered to look for an open store inside our subdivision and I relented by saying that a pack of beef noodle would do. Upon going out of the house, heavy rains poured making me regret sending Ramil out to buy me some noodles. I'm not sure how for how much longer I'm going to have these crazy food cravings. Soon, I hope.

another vacation wish

Every time I get stressed, it makes me crave for a vacation. Unfortunately, because of budget constraints, we don't get to indulge in that until the craving passes. I am able to de-stress some other way until the next stressful phase which makes me crave for another vacation.

In other words, many vacation wishes of mine have come and gone unfulfilled. Right now, I would love an All inclusive family vacation Mexico. I've been having morning sickness, or all-day sickness, the past few days and I want nothing more than to relax and spend my time doing nothing. It would be great to spend some time by the beach, reading a good book, and sipping some ripe mango shake. Of course, it wouldn't be complete without my two boys.

commute boy

Ever since we sold our not-so-trusty red car, we've been commuting to and fro anywhere. Mateo has taken to it quite well, it makes me proud of him. In fact, Mateo and I have gone malling by ourselves several times. What makes it a bit daunting is the fact that we commute whenever he accompanies me.

We’ve commuted by tricycle, jeep, fx, and taxi. He’s so used to commuting he has his preferences now because the jeepney is the one he least liked. While preparing him for going out for more errands:

Mateo: Mama, alis tayo? (Mama, we’re going out?)
Me: Yes
Mateo: Walk lang tayo? (We’re just going to walk?)
Me: No, the bank and clinic are too far e.
Mateo: Tricycle tayo? Andyan Kuya Choc? (Are we going to ride a tricycle? Is Kuya Choc there?)
(Kuya Choc is our regular tricycle service driver)
Me: No, we’re not going to school and Kuya Choc cannot pick us up.
Mateo: Fx lang tayo ha? No Jeep (Let’s ride the FX. No jeep)
Me: Jeep na lang
Mateo: Ayaw, fx lang (No, I want to ride an FX)
Me: Why?
Mateo: Kasi ma-loud yung jeep. (Because jeepneys are loud)

Also, whenever we’re waiting for public transportation outside our subdivisions, he’d sometimes raise his hand to hail us a taxi even though we’re not actually after a taxi. It’s the best thing for him when commuting and it’s what he ultimately prefers.

diaper-free, at last!

Several weeks ago, we ran out of diapers for Mateo to use during the night. He’s only been using diapers during the night for the longest time now and it never occured to us to try if he can go without a diaper during the night. There were signs though that he’s ready, we’d remove his diapers in the morning to find out that it hasn’t been urinated on. Still, we didn’t want to risk any night time accidents.

So it was lucky in a way that we didn’t have diapers that night because we never looked backed since. Mateo hasn’t been using diapers for several weeks now and it sometimes brings tears to my eyes in the morning realizing that indeed, our little baby is not a baby anymore. I’m still grateful that he’s fully trained just in time, so we will not spend for his diapers anymore since another baby is coming in April. Ramil and I will just have to savor a few months of a diaper-free grocery shopping list.

my wish: a vacation

We're both excited and apprehensive at the same time with the coming of another baby. I am anticipating months of two hour sleeps and not being able to go anywhere. Because of this, I am itching to go on a vacation before we become confined to the house once again. Even just attending a destination weddings would be very welcome right now. Attending a wedding in a great vacation place like the Riviera Maya could more than substitute for the long vacation I'm wishing for. Even the rainy weather is not helping because it makes me want to go to a pristine, white sand beach.